Help Your Baby Go To Sleep In His Own Bed

NOTE: I am a Princess Christian nanny with a wealth of experience of looking after babies and children.

I am going to assume that your baby is in good health and has no underlying illness.

For this to work, you have to accept that your baby will cry. If you cannot bear to hear your baby cry, then understand that you may well be sharing your bed with your child for many years to come!

Apologies

I am going to refer to your baby as a ‘him’ for no other reason than for ease and habit.

I try very hard not to sound like a fascistic old battleaxe but as I’m neither, please forgive my tone. I edit and edit my work so that I don’t offend anyone, but I’m sure the odd way I phrase things may just escape through the net.

Now let’s get going…

How Did It Get To This?

I know it seemed like such a good solution to get your baby to sleep, by putting him in with you in your bed at the beginning. I admit that I did it myself. However, it’s not so great now because your baby’s noisy breathing and constant wriggling is keeping you awake. Not to mention that this may well be having an adverse effect on you and your partner’s relationship. Sound familiar?

I remember two people at a supper party once extolled the virtues of having their baby sleep in the same bed as them; that it was not natural for babies to be on their own, that babies are used to being held by their mother in the womb and that this is how it should continue in order to help create a more secure child. I longed to be a fly on the wall once their baby reached 18 months and the next child was on the way.

If you let your baby sleep with you out of desire to create a more secure person, don’t worry. By allowing your baby to develop sleeping skills that are not reliant upon either having their mother, father or any sleep devise or particular bed furniture present, will certainly create an independent, secure and self-reliant human being.

THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL GUILTY (I once heard it said that you don’t know what guilt is until you’ve had children).

When a baby is very small, it’s not always easy to know what he needs or why he’s crying. We all try different things until we find the solution and because all babies are different, we have to work through the ‘list’ until we find the right answer.

However, you don’t need to go through a list here.

The solution of how to get your baby to sleep in his own bed is right here in black and white. Just follow it and see the results in no time.

What To Expect

You need to get your baby out of your bed and into their own bed, which is a very common problem and one that is very easy to fix.

However, please don’t expect your baby to accept this change gracefully because they won’t and there is no magic cure to prevent the tears that will inevitably come. All your baby wants is to be all snugly and cosy in bed with you.

There will of course be crying. I will show you a technique that will stop your baby from feeling isolated and alone and instead, you will realise that your baby will only be crying out of fury for having to sleep in his own bed, nothing more.

You will not have to leave him to cry on his own all night, as you will be encouraged to keep going into your baby throughout the night.

You may find that you have 1-3 evenings of disturbance from your baby but if you follow my guidelines, really you shouldn’t hear a murmur after day 3 and if you do, you will need to step back and re-examine how you are carrying out this procedure.

I advise you to ask for help from a supportive partner be it a life partner, friend, mother etc to hold your hand as you will have moments of doubt that may tempt you to go and sweep your baby into your arms and plop him into your bed.

Before You Start

Plan to introduce him to his own cot/bedroom at a weekend or at a point where you will be able to get moral support from a partner or friend.

If your baby is not used to being in his cot at all, encourage him to have a positive association with it by putting some toys and books in it during the day, while you get on with other things.

Get a watch ready.

Get Started In 5 Easy Steps

Follow your usual routine before bed; play, bath, book/songs/cuddle, last feed, bed. If you don’t really follow a routine, get one started for the last part of the day to help your baby settle faster (don’t you like to know what comes next?).

1. Bedtime should be no later than 8.00pm (preferably between 7-7.30pm). Any later and you will find that your baby may well get past the window of feeling sleepy, making it harder to settle him.
2. Make sure your baby’s room is darkened and now that you are going to be following a different bedtime routine at this point, introduce something soothing and comforting which must take place in your baby’s room.It may be some cuddles, rocking, singing, sharing a book (you can’t start reading too early), or all of the above. Make sure you do the same thing every night, as this will form part of your baby knowing ‘what comes next’.
3. I have known some parents put their nightdress in the baby’s cot so they can ‘smell’ them, which can be reassuring if your baby is used to sleeping with you.
4. If your baby is in a gro-bag (sleeping bag), it might make him feel safer if you also tucked him in, giving him a feeling of being held. Please check his layers so that he is not too hot and use a thin cotton sheet to tuck him in.
5. Next, the moment of truth! Don’t linger once you’ve put your baby in his cot, say goodnight and leave the room with the door closed (perhaps leave a bit open so he can see the light, but this is age dependent as young babies are fine with the dark). Done.

When the Crying Begins…

You may find that your baby does not actually start to cry. Instead, he may well become absolutely HYSTERICAL very, very quickly.

Please expect this so that when it happens, it doesn’t alter your goal (which by-the-way, is to have your bed to yourself from this night onwards).

In your mind you almost have to tick this bit because your baby is normal and correct by having this hissy fit because he wants to be in your bed.

So he’s passed step one – he is hysterical. And you have passed step one, because your baby is still in his own bed. Brilliant.

The 1-3 Day

Quick Fix Method

I have used this method hundreds of times. The key to success is consistency and determination. I have written ‘1-3 days quick fix method’ but actually, if you persevere, you will have your baby asleep in his own bed in 2 days. This will only happen if you don’t bend under the heart-wrenching pressure of your baby’s cry.

From 3-6 months

This method uses what you’ve probably heard called ‘controlled crying’. You leave your baby to cry for 5 minutes to start with then you go in, say very little, rub his tummy or stroke his hair and say goodnight. Don’t stay in your baby’s room for longer than 10-15 seconds.

It’s really important not to make this become anything more than a reassurance exercise. Don’t pick your baby up as he will begin to expect this every time. Keep these little visits very, very brief.

After half an hour of going in every 5 minutes, if your baby is still crying start going in every 10 minutes.

Time your minutes from the moment you come back out of the room.

From 6 months upwards

If you find your older baby (6 months plus) standing or sitting in his cot crying, don’t panic – let him stand or sit it really doesn’t matter; once he gets tired he will lie down in time.

After 10 minutes go in, lay him back down (if you can but don’t force him otherwise it will become a power of wills and that’s something you need to avoid at all costs), stroke his hair etc and don’t forget to tell him each time that he is going to sleep in his own cot all night and that he is not coming into your bed. It’s amazing how we forget to talk to babies, they understand far more than we realise!

No eye contact and no more chatting than that is required.

I’m sorry to say that your baby will probably cry on and off for the best part of the evening. He may even wake again in the night. If he does wake, go in straight away (don’t wait for 10 minutes until you’ve made your initial visit) and do exactly as you’ve been doing. Spend 10-15 seconds in there and then leave. Carry on every 10 minutes if he continues to cry.

It may well go on until the early morning but please don’t give up. You will be on your knees with exhaustion but I can guarantee that the next time that you try this, he will cry probably for the first 20 minutes of being settled and then that will be it.

Tips For Complete Success

1. Don’t give up. Have your final goal in mind.
2. Babies who are going through this process will cry consistently. However, when they start to get really tired you’ll notice a slight pause between crying. The pause will get longer and longer between crying.
3. Don’t ever put your baby back into your bed to sleep otherwise you will have to go through this whole process again. It won’t be fair on either of you.
4. When your baby finally stops crying, he may well be lying awake so don’t go in and check unless you are absolutely sure. If he sees you, the crying will start all over again.

Good luck and sleep well.